The Llama in the Tree
by Miroku and Koga
Summary: Rated 'M' for sexual content, profane language, and extreme stupidity and randomness...Fourth in the 'Hairy Pooter' series.


**A/N: We're finally back with our fourth story, "Llama in the Tree!" I suggest you read the other three stories in ORDER before even attempting this one. Most of our ideas come from random videos on YouTube...**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing but out stupidity and randomness...Which we are DAMN proud of!**

**By the way, if you have a low tolerance for swearing, then DON'T READ THIS! We gave you our warning, so heed it!**

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**Llama in the Tree**

**By Miroku and Koga**

Up in the high branches of a tree, sits our beloved pervert in a Hello Kitty thong and looking a little...unusual.

"I'm up in the tree  
And you can see me  
In my Hello Kitty undies!" Miroku sang.

He had pulled his bangs over one eye, and had on a lot of black eyeliner and mascara. Yes, our monk was the emo of Feudal Japan.

"I'm tired of this song," Miroku said to himself, bored. "I'm gonna sing the Emo Song."

"Dear Diary,  
Mood: apathetic  
My life is spiraling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the 'Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert'. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You,' and 'Rip Apart My Soul,' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab." and it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that guy from that band could do, some days you know...

I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be  
You'd be non-conforming to if you look just like me  
I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face  
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs  
'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag  
I call it freedom of expression most just call me a fag  
'Cause their dudes look like chicks, their chicks look like dykes  
'Cause emo is one step below transvestite

Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when I go to shows  
I must be emo

I'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem  
The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween  
I have no real problems but I like to make believe  
I stole my sister's mascara now I'm grounded for a week  
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies  
I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing  
Girls keep breaking up with me, it' never any fun  
They say they already have a pussy, they don't need another one

Stop my breathing and slit my throat  
I must be emo  
I don't jump around when i go to shows  
I must be emo  
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes  
I must be emo  
I play guitar and write suicide notes  
I must be emo

My life is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. and it's suffocating me. grabbing a hold of me and tightening it's grip, tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans...which look great on my by the way

When I get depressed I cut my wrists in every direction  
Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection  
I write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses  
I told my friends I bleed black and cry during classes  
I'm just a bad, cheap imitation of Goth  
You can read me "Catcher in the Rye," and watch me jack off  
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life  
If I said I like girls I'd only be half right

I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo  
I must be emo  
Screw XBOX I play old school Nintendo  
I must be emo  
I like to whine and hate my parentals  
I must be emo  
Me and my friends all look like clones  
I must be emo

My parents just don't get me you know. They think I'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. Well, a couple of guys. but I mean, it's the 2000s. can't 2, or 4 dudes make-out with each other without being gay. I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. I don't know diary, sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend...I feel like tacos..."

It was at this moment that our little miko walked under the tree and heard the last sentence of Miroku's little song. Her only response was "Who gives a shit about Bigfoot?" and it was rather loud, so loud in fact, that Miroku screamed.

"BOB SAGET!" Kagome yelled loudly in surprise. She looked up and saw, to her dismay, Miroku in his thong. "You look like 200 pounds of BIRD SHIT!"

Sango walked up to Kagome, who she had been talking to before. "Kagome, what are you, like... yelling... at?" she asked in the voice of a Californian surfer. She looked at where Kagome was pointing and gasped. "Duuude...Is that...a llama?"

"Bob Saget!" Kagome yelled again.

InuYasha walked over from where ever he had been and looked at what the two women were staring at. "Oh...my...god...BANANA HAMMOCK!" He tore off all of his clothes to reveal that he, too, was wearing a 'banana hammock'. However, he decided that it was a little too _drafty_ and put his clothes, or what was left of them, back on. But, now he had to tell the girls about his revelation.

He coughed into his hand to get their attention. The girls turned around, and Miroku, who was now yelling "I...am...a LLAMA!" at five minute intervals, stopped, and listened to him.

"I have something that you need to know. You need to be warned about the menace that walks our planet."

"Demons?" Miroku asked.

"No. I am talking about the children with red hair, pale skin, and freckles. I am talking of course, about Ginger Kids. We have all seen them. They freak us out and make us feel sick to our stomachs. Ginger Kids have a disease called 'Gingervitus.' They can not be cured. Because of their pale skin, though, Ginger Kids cannot walk in the sun."

"Holy dumb fuck!" Kagome yelled. "But what about that faggot who was coming on to me?"

"I was was getting to that, if you'll let me. Some people have red hair, but not pale skin, these people are called 'Daywalkers.'" Their was a simultaneous "oooo" from the three listeners. But, the they weren't really interested. Miroku, for example, was distracted by the fact that Sango was in board shorts and a tank top.

"Sango, why are you dressed like that?" he asked.

"Well...the whole 'demon hunter' thing, didn't like...work out. So...I went to California. And, I like...became a surfer."

"Oh...ok..."

InuYasha then walked off. Kinky...I mean _Kikyo_ then walked up, with Shippo in tow, as always. He had a grin on his face.

"Miroku! I was just playing in Kikyo's Mount Boobicus! It was great, just like you said!"

"SHHHHH!!!!!!" Miroku shouted from his perch. Luckily, Sango was too enamored with her fingernails to notice that Shippo had said anything. Everyone else, however, had. It was at this awkward moment that a half naked blonde man ran through the forest. His hair was tousled, his shirt was off to reveal _very _nice abs, and his pants were around his ankles. He was tailed by one _sexy _blonde chick in practically nothing, holding a canister of whipped cream and a jar of cherries. Miroku's eyes were popping out of his head, and he almost fell out of the tree.

"Tom!" the blonde chick whined, holding up the whipped cream. "Come back here!"

"NO, Kiska! We've been going it for two weeks straight! I need sleep! And food!" He (Tom Felton) yelled back, hiding behind Kagome.

"Yeah," another young woman, this one with short black hair, popped out from behind a tree. "You guys have been going at it like bunny rabbits!" She walked back into the trees, and disappeared from whence she came.

Tom was still hiding behind Kagome when Kiska pulled her infamous puppy dog face. Her brown eyes got big and watery, her mouth pouted a little, and she tilted her head to one side. "You don't want to come back? Ok..."

"YES!" Tom shouted. "FREEDOM!" He jumped up and down, pumping his arms in the air. While he was distracted, he was grabbed from behind by Kiska and dragged off into the forest, screaming. Until...a loud moaning issued from the direction of Tom and Kiska.

InuYasha returned.

"Dude, what took you so long?" Sango asked.

"Well, I had to take a dump," InuYasha replied.

"Well, if you didn't eat all the time, you wouldn't get diarrhea, fat ass!" Kagome shouted.

InuYasha retorted "Shut it r-tard! I don't need lip from a chick!"

"Especially one with big tits," Miroku chimed in.

InuYasha giggled. "Totally." He and Miroku both collapsed into a fit of giggles.

Kagome and Sango walked off and they heard a loud crash.

"What's that noise?!?!?" Kagome shouted.

Sango turned back and replied "Miroku just fell out of the tree..."

"Well, stop it!" Kagome yelled back at Sango.

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**A/N: Kagome was based on Touretts Guy, InuYasha is based on South Park episodes, and Miroku was basically our own after we heard the 'Emo Song' on YouTube...Don't ask about the whole Tom Felton thing, it was just plain random! Oh, and the girl with black hair was Kikira-Lynn. Thanks for reading! **


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